New Job

Shannon finishes her internship a week from tomorrow. We have been pouring over the classifieds trying to find her a job. We think we found the perfect one.

JOB DESCRIPTION:
-Long-term, challenging position available in an often chaotic environment.
-Must be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent
24-hour shifts on call.
-Some overnight travel required, including weekends (travel expenses not reimbursed).

RESPONSIBILITIES:
-Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily; until 'they' needs some $.
-Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
-Must be willing to be indispensable one minute and an embarrassment the next.
-Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
-Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
-Responsibilities also include maintenance and janitorial work throughout the 'facility'.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
-If you are lucky, you may be promoted to the position of Grandparent. Of course, you must still retain and fulfill all or your previous responsibilities while assuming the new responsibilities of a Grandparent.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
-None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered...continually.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
-Get this! You pay them!
-Offering a million laughs especially if you have a means of capturing 'special moments', like a camera or camcorder.
-Two balloon payments are due when they turn 16 and 18. Sixteen because of their assumption they will get a car, and eighteen because of your assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
-When you die, you give them whatever is left. (The oddest thing about this 'reverse-salary' scheme is that you actually enjoy it "[and] wish [you] could only do more.")

BENEFITS:
-While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays, and no stock options are offered, this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs and kisses for life.

POSITION:
-Parent: AKA Mom, Mama, Mommy